Monday, 22 October 2012

Shot down by a toddler.

Aarav absolutely hates being cuddled and kissed against his wish.
All the lovey-dovey cuddles he permits me are "at-a-distance" or "on-his-permission" only.

Even if he suspects that I am about to catch hold him and kiss him, and if he is not interested, he will simply run away.

But. HE will come and give me drool-covered bear hugs when he wants to.
And these rare precious hugs last only till he is comfortable... as soon as he has had enough he gets up, and runs away.

When I want to cuddle up and sleep, he sleeps facing the other side with his back to me..
And I am not allowed to disturb him.
But when he wants me to face him, he will scratch + kick + pull my hair + yelp out loud till he has my attention. (we co-sleep)

When I want hugs, he wants to run away.
When he wants me, no amount of dirt / grime / raw mango / sleepy mom / tired mom / angry mom / busy mom will deter him.

Grrrrrrrr. I hate it.
Aarav is such a typical Boy!!!

Can someone please explain to Aarav that touch deprivation by babies and older children has drastic effects on parents, some of which, if left untreated, can span well into adulthood and beyond??
This has been medically proved, you know?



- Proof from the net –

Touch Deprivation - What Does This Mean to You?

As parents and primary caregivers of our children, we need to be aware of our children's innate needs. Holding, rocking, hugging, and cuddling a crying child (or one who is not crying, for that matter) does not constitute spoiling, but is an instinctual response to a child's primary needs for love, security, and affection, as much as providing nutrition is necessary to a child's physical well-being.


Corollary to the above :
Aarav please read this–

As a Toddler, you need to be aware of your Parent's innate needs.
Holding, rocking, hugging, and cuddling a waiting Mom (or one who is not waiting, for that matter) does not constitute spoiling, but is an instinctual response to a Mother's primary needs for love, security, and affection, as much as providing kisses and hugs is necessary to a Mom's physical well-being.


So.

Now.
Due to Severe Toddler Hug Deficiency (STHD), I have taken a decision.

I will have my hugs and kisses. Whether Aarav wants me to or not.
So every time I need a hug or a big kiss, I simply pick him up, put him on to the bed and pin him down, hold his hands and shower him with the biggest, bite-iest (as if that's a word), drooliest (or that) hugs and kisses for as long as I want ...

That may sound a bit cruel.. but Aarav thinks it is some sort of physical play and he giggles like crazy..
And I make him repeat "aai baas"**
to make him say that he has had enough... But he repeats it only if I make him, and I just do it only when I want to stop :)

** Details = It means "Mom thats enough / Mom stop"
Aai = Mom
Baas = Stop / enough

Yesterday, I realllllyyy needed the biggest hug dose from Aarav, so I went on for a bit more than usual..
When Aarav saw, that there were no signs of me letting him go..
He tried to cry... correction - fake cry
I still held on to my bear hug.

Then he twisted and turned and looked at me. In the eye.

Wrinkled his eyebrows..
And said "Aa oo. Baa" **

** Details
aa oo = Nako. (No)
Baa = Baas (enough)
 


Okaaay.

Boy.

Point taken.

Shot down by a toddler.

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